Do You Have Insecurities?
By leadership author and keynote speaker Ross Shafer
Are you insecure about an area of your life? Are you trying to keep your insecurity a secret? I might have some insight for you. This week I want to talk about your insecurities…and more specifically how to “manage” them.
The fact is, you might not fully conquer your fear of not being smart enough, not skinny enough, not wealthy enough, or not talented enough. However, I would argue that regardless of what YOU think are your shortcomings, you can still be an inspiring leader or parent. I can say that because I’ve met a lot of successful people…with low self-esteem.
I’m lucky to have a job where I get to know world leaders, celebrities, and ridiculously wealthy people – On the outside they give you the impression they’re confident and have everything together. Yet, every one of them is waging a personal battle with some area of their self-esteem. I met the CEO of a Fortune 100 company – you would know…but he told me, “I just hope I can retire before anyone figures out how dumb I am about technology.”
The actor, Alexander Skarsgard who recently played Tarzan said, “Most days I feel like the ugliest man on the planet.” Actress Sandra Bullock says, “I’m optimistic but I’m also terribly afraid and insecure.” Thomas Edison, who invented motion pictures and the telephone was very insecure about his intelligence because he only went to school for three months…total. Abe Lincoln grew up scared and feeling alone because his mom died when he was only nine – and Abe had to go to work at that age to help support his family – Lincoln carried a sense of abandonment his entire life – and he hated his high voice.
Many sports superstars are phenomenal athletes – but spend a lot of time and money getting the mental side of their game right…so they don’t get distracted by problems in their personal lives. So, why does insecurity keep haunting us? It’s because we still remember the countless failings of our childhoods. We have limiting beliefs stuck in our brains…convincing us we aren’t good enough. And regardless of how many compliments we get from people, we don’t believe them.
Instead, we struggle to live up to what someone told us were the highest standards of generosity, kindness, friendship, heroism, and performance…but we never seem to get there Truthfully, it’s normal to have self-doubts; especially when we try something new. Our chests pound and our palms get sweaty. We try to blame the feeling on words stage fright and The Titters. In some ways we never grow up.
But, there is good news in having insecurities. Since insecurity is our darkest secret, we often work overtime to be stronger, smarter, and better equipped to handle the things that challenge us. The best of us make this a lifelong pursuit to overcome these insecurities. I think it’s productive to recognize your insecurities but NOT allow them to limit your growth. Instead, use them as your assignments for improvement.
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Ross Shafer is the author of (9) popular business books and (14) human resource training films. In a former career Ross won (6) Television Emmy awards for his work as a TV host, writer, and producer. Today, Ross is a sought after keynote speaker and consultant for Fortune 500 companies worldwide.